Yet resentment can play an important role in the relationship. Even if they were long, and the relationship has just begun. For example, just old grudges, you'll be surprised how much easier your life would be, and how much better relationship with current partner. The idea is not to the right and left to forgive people who have hurt you. The idea is to rid itself of the heavy burden of past hurts and disappointments that prevents you live for today. After all daily live with the memories and constantly be ready to defend the very difficult. In addition, it is not necessary to shift all their problems on someone who has not had time to hurt you, and perhaps you only wish all the best. Better to translate this energy into creative channel and send it to build new relationships.
How often in your life have you heard stories about how many years old lovers resumed their relationship, then the costs and through a very short time to create a completely new happy couples?
Why is this happening?
If our previous relationship (first love, for example) are not completed or not-experienced (as in the case of unrequited love), we can not put them in a point and continue to live with caution: What if ... went to work in another country? What if he calls me tomorrow (although did not do it for 15 years) and call to become his only! Make an Offer girl with whom I live for many years, and which seems to be like? What if the one who turned me in the first year, he suddenly changed his mind and pay attention to me! And sometimes it even happens: odumyvaetsya, calling to become a single, but the vast majority of cases, these stories end in tears. After all, the person you loved many years ago, is no longer. Now you have a completely different personality, which you most likely will not fit. Your way long gone, your experience is very different now from what it was before. You have a great life behind luggage, thousands of deliberate thoughts and decisions. You have become very different people. Yes, if you then decide to be together, it may not be so different from each other, but now, if you so want to try all over again, is to forget that between you already had something and start all over again: take a new person with all its features, re-learn it and do not try to make it fit the image that is stored in your head. Then maybe something happens and you.
How do you know that the baggage of past hurts and memories prevents you live today?
"Scalded with milk, blows on the water", so they say about a man who lived through difficult moments in their lives and lost the confidence of the people.
If you once wronged, hurt, betrayed, you start to take this experience into account in similar situations. And rightly so, because on that and build our growing up - over the years we accumulate experience and use them in the future.
Looking back, you ask yourself: Why am I so long endured all this? Why not leave at once? Why allow so with an address? And now, getting into a similar situation, you tear the relationship as soon as they begin to remind you of the past. Tear, not even attempting to establish it. Moreover, if your tactics "The best defense - the attack," then trying to protect themselves from the Phantom Menace, you can hurt quite innocent man. When your partner suddenly offends you (he sometimes without realizing it), and you are ready to strike back, stop and think: if your behavior is proportional to the offense, which caused you to your partner? Or are you just projecting it your past experiences?
Your former partner often appears in your conversations
When little conversation with a new partner suddenly goes into the memories of the former, be careful: you set foot on a slippery path. Sharing the details of his past with a new partner, you lifts the lid on the hot steam - past who rarely puts in a good light. After all, no matter what you said, someone in your words will still be to blame you or (worse) your previous partner. So it is better to statements about past relationships leave for "later" and make them as neutral as possible: do not judge anyone, not draw conclusions, just tell your story as fact.
You lose your head from any reminders
Your new friend prefers the same chain of coffee houses, the old one? Maybe he drives the same brand of car? Or a passion for chocolate? Or likes the same music group? What does all this mean? Absolutely nothing! But if all these minor everyday things take you out of yourself, this could mean that the past has not been fully let you go and now is a serious obstacle on the way to a happy future.
Forgiveness few people come easy. And the more offense, the more difficult to forget about it. But keeping in the heart of old memories, you're doing worse only to myself, spend their time and strength to the phantoms of the past. Leave it where it place - behind.