How to reach understanding

 Here's a common example of a situation in which the acute problem of understanding. Young family lives with her mother in law, and decisions are made between husband and wife, and an elderly woman with a fait accompli already existing solutions. If it is taken to express their opinions about the upcoming event, it is interpreted as an attack on the independence of young families. That sets the stage for conflict. Situations such as this, can not be tolerated. In this scenario, everyone suffers: mother in law - due to the fact that it is not considered, and rejected, a man torn between his wife and mother to his wife's head by lightning discharge escalate the situation in the house.

To avoid disputes and quarrels, you need to have the right to discuss the emerging every case and every problem among all whom they relate directly or indirectly. The essence of this discussion is that each of the interested people could convey its views on the subject matter to rest.

Thus it is better to speak with the help of so-called "I-messages". This means that the phrase should be built in the first person: "I get angry when I see a mountain of dirty dishes in the kitchen", "I would like that after every meal clean up after themselves alone." These phrases do not provoke conflict, not heating up the atmosphere, they only express the feelings and desires of the speaker.

In contrast, the wrong build his speech with the use of "you-messages", which include those phrases, which are expressed accusations and comments. For example, "You will never wash their dishes," "You do not appreciate my work."

Finally, between the people who strive to achieve mutual understanding, are totally unacceptable insult.

In search of a compromise can not do without respect for each other, which should be reflected in the position of listening to each side, and a maximum consideration of its interests in solving any issue.

And of course, mutual understanding promotes the ability to put yourself in the place of each, those affected by the unresolved issue or problem.